On Her Birthday Her Coral Rose Bloomed

Today would have been my precious Nixie's 33rd birthday. Facebook reminded me this week that I have a friend with a birthday this week and asked if I would like to post on her wall to wish her a happy 33rd birthday. Well, I don't need Facebook to remind me as I am reminded by my sadness and the huge void I still feel every single day as Nixie pops into my mind and even most nights in my dreams.

While I was away at her funeral on Easter Monday last year, a cousin asked where I would be for my birthday. It was all a blur and my own birthday was not even registering on my radar. As it happened, it was 2 days away. Back home in New Brunswick, my dear friend, Patsy had bought me a little rose bush for my birthday, keeping it on her porch and watering it until I returned hoping it would survive in the unpredictable weather of Spring in the Maritimes. She had also given me the rosary made from coral brought back from her vacation to Cuba which I had blessed and lovingly placed around Nixie's hands in her casket.

Eventually, I did return to receive my birthday present. The little kordana rose plant was looking a bit bedraggled but alive. I put it on my plant shelf and continued to water it until Victoria Day weekend when it is said to be safe to start the garden after the threat of frost is gone. Sadly we lost Nixie's godfather and my Uncle Louis that week. Five weeks after travelling to Toronto to her funeral, I did a quick turn around back to the very same funeral home and a burial plot right next to Nixie's for yet another sad farewell on Victoria Day. There is some sad comfort in the fact that they are buried so close together as I feel they'll watch over each other in heaven.

Summer came and my family came to visit in July. My sister had lost a daughter and the godfather they shared, my mother had lost a granddaughter and a brother and I had lost my precious godchild and the uncle who had baptized her with me almost 31 years prior. It was a subdued visit but we soothed each other with the love of a family gathered in grief that was still very raw.

In the meantime, the little rose bush was getting greener on the shelf and eventually after their visit I planted it

Nixie's coral rose bloomed
on her birthday

in the garden. The first bloom arrived on what would have been Nixie's 32nd birthday and the colour of the bloom was coral. Unbeknownst to my friend, Patsy, coral is my favourite colour in the world so much so I picked it as my wedding theme colour when coral was not even in the bridal books yet. Napkins had to be died coral and we had to buy the fabric for the dresses in Pittsburgh, PA where my other sister, Nixie's Aunty Odie lives. Our cousin Marco Polo, Designer Extraordinaire did a beautiful job of making the dresses to complement my bridal gown. My girls were all gorgeous in coral and I am so very grateful for the coral rose bush which to me was a sign that Nixie was indeed celebrating her birthday with me, albeit from her spiritual realm.

I found out on the eve of her burial that the 31 white balloons filled with helium signifying each year that she lived which were to be released up to the sky at the graveside had lost their air by morning and would not go up that day. Upon hearing this, I knew that was confirmation for us that her soul is eternal and she did not want us to think this was the end of her. 31 was not all there is. She will be with us forever. She is eternal. The four heart balloons, one for each of her children held their helium and were indeed sent up to heaven with their mummy gone too soon by each of them as planned.

Coral roses happily blooming

Last October our wood supply for the winter arrived and was unloaded on the lawn. About a week after the delivery, I looked out the window suddenly realizing that the logs were right on top of Nixie's little coral rose bush and dispaired of its survival. I rushed out to the garden and began throwing logs off the pile hoping to find the little rose bush alive. To my delight I not only found it alive but it had another 2 blooms. This little rose bush lives on and on inspite of adversity. This spring we had more blooms and they continued into the summer. I'm sure we will have more in the fall as well. My sweet Nixie continues to make her "presence" felt in every area of my life and I know just as sure as I'm sitting here typing this, we will meet again. So Happy Birthday sweet godchild mine. I shall miss you for now but I rejoice in your eternal freedom and look forward to the day when we can hug again.

Godmother yours,
Aunty B