Finding Words Through Extreme Grief

I got the dreaded phone call that my sweet godchild had died suddenly. The trauma and the primal wail that came from me in my disbelief was unrecognizable.

For the next eight days I struggled to find words to eulogize her short tumultuous life of only 31 years. Prayer and meditation yielded no comforting words. We drove a thousand miles to attend her funeral and still no words came along the way. I wasn't even sure I'd even be able to speak on that very sad farewell day.

Finally on the day we closed the casket to transport her to the church, her father handed me these words. He said they had come that day in a condolence basket from his work and asked if I would read them during the funeral Requiem Mass. It seemed to be a sign from my sweet Nixie that she wanted me to speak for her and let everyone know she was OK. It was the saddest day of my life and through my tears I managed to read through to the end. Here then are the words my Nixie sent to me:

If tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;

I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things, we didn't get to say,
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind,
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for, so much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

But then I realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked throught heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,
He said, "This is eternity, and all I've promised you".


Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last,
And since each day's the same way,
There's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful, so trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things,
You knew you shouldn't do.

But you have been forgiven, and now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand, and share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here in your your heart.

A Child Of Mine

Hello There, Aunty B here to share with you this very old poem, sent to me by my cousin, Nadine. Thanks so much Nades for sending me your love, prayers and many words  from which I am drawing strength in the wake of the sudden, senseless and shocking loss of my sweet godchild.

A Child Of Mine by Edgar Albert Guest, 1930

I will lend you, for a little time,
A child of mine, He said.
For you to love the while she lives,
And mourn for when she's dead.
It may be six or seven years,
Or twenty-two or three.
But will you, till I call her back,
Take care of her for Me?
She'll bring her charms to gladden you,
And should her stay be brief.
You'll have her lovely memories,
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise she will stay,
Since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there,
I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over,
In search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give her all your love,
Nor think the labour vain.
Nor hate me when I come
To take her home again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
'Dear Lord, Thy will be done!'
For all the joys Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter her with tenderness,
We'll love her while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for her,
Much sooner than we've planned.
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
And try to understand.

Thank you to my nephew, Daniel for finding this beautiful video and Auntie Pattie for re-sharing it on Facebook: